jUST RaNTiNg............... Ok, I am definitely not averse to those who think cooking for their MEN is a MUST....but I definitely draw the line with some stuffs, ok maybe I am sounding a bit off the edge here but how else do you explain this.? Ezinne is a tall, ebony skinned girl who has almost everything going for her, comes from an average family, schools in the prestigious university of Lagos , in her second year , comes from one of the east-western states. Ok the deal here now is that she has a BOYfriend, who in the actual sense of the word is a MAN, but is still in the phase of BOY in the terms of this relationship.    She's a solid believer that a way to a mans heart is through his stomach, but one of the issues I have is that this boyfriend of hers lives in *cue.....Drumroll * ENUGU.  She leaves school every Friday goes to the bus park, boards Ekene Dili Chukwu motors and heads straight to 9th mile, where she boards another bus heading to her beloved's house.....              When she gets there  she proceeds to take all of his dirty clothes which he piles by the bathroom door straight to the backyard to wash them with a bar soap which he keeps next to the black corodome she says, when i asked Obi to get a washing machine,he said he doesn't like his clothes washed in the machine, but just the way his mother washes them...Once she is done, she heads straight to the kitchen, to stock his freezer with soup, stew and either jollof rice or fried, depending on the one which was cooked last week, washes the bathroom, makes the house clean and dresses his bed, all these she does before she even thinks of having her bath and resting from the journey...... Whenever he comes home, he has freshly squeezed juice and home made meal waiting for him, once he is done with his bath, he goes to a very tired albeit willing Ezinne for his nightly ' RIGHTS' .... This is a typical weekend in Ezinne's life....oh! And did i mention that she is just 21 years old?  And this MAN hasn't put a ring on it  .            In my opinion when in a relationship with any Man or Boy, that is the time for enjoyment Biko, eating out and all the likes, I would only cook if I feel like it, or just to make you have a taste of my cooking ... I can't even begin to fathom the kind of medicine that would have been used on my head, before I would start to think of  1. Washing his clothes 2. Stocking his freezer with food  3. Cleaning and scrubbing both the toilet and bathroom. 4. Any of all those funny things ..... Tell me what you think........

Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........whop whoop Otuto diri chukwu, it's my birthday .......come and dance with me *now doing the Azonto * Will give you all the gist tomorrow or later........

MYSELF

Many different people walk the face of the earth Yet only one have I truly known since birth Seeing things with soundness and clarity of mind Eager to search, seek, discover and find Loving and gentle with a spirit so free Far and wide you may look, but will never see another me Nefertity . This poem really had me thinking about my life and where I have come thus far, truth be told i believe I've been a really FAVORED person, Right from my birth which was in Ekosodi in former Bende now Benin, I really wish I can say I knew much about the place, but immediately I was brought into the world, na so they bundle me commot one time, it took mum a While to have me, so I guess it's safe to say I was Quite spoilt when growing up, but I guess I stopped getting all that kind of UNSHARED love when the other soldiers started coming,so my only child status was quite short lived... , yeah but what can I say, Nothing lasts forever!! Then I graduated to the Post of being the ADA( the first girl ) and everything changed, I started washing clothes, sweeping, washing plates, I complained time and time again to Mum and told her to get a maid, but she said " why would I do that when I have you?" and I keep wondering to myself, am I supposed to be the maid? But then I definitely couldn't tell her that, before I would see my ears without using the mirror, my mothers flogging is EPIC....I'm yet to see who would rival her in that aspect. I started school at the age of 3, was literally engaged to Aunty Bridget's unborn son, cos' of the kind of delicacies that was always in my lunch box.....mum would always cut the tomatoes into different shapes and sizes, when I had rice, rest assured that there would be some funny looking veggies somewhere and that kind thing sha, anyways the kook of this lunch box story was that, I would gladly give it to my teacher in exchange for GOOD OLD CHOCOLATE CABIN biscuit. ;) I don't need to tell you of what happened when mum finally found out. Was on a scholarship throughout primary school ( yeah I know, I'm that smart :) , hehehe) and I guess that gave Dad a respite, and in my little head I knew that was no mean feat, so I think I expected to be treated with ultra care, just In case my brain packed up....but that definitely didn't give me any green card to do rubbish and get away with it ooh. Finished primary school at age 9, got into secondary school immediately, and continued in the high flying mode, until .................( story for another day) finished secondary school, and waited in frustration for 2 years to get into the university, in that 2 years ehnnn....that was when I finally believed that an idle brain is truly the devils workshop. Anyways in that two years, I went to a family friend and asked to work in her supermarket, after much persuasion I was finally given the job, and my salary was a WHOOPING 5,000 Naira,(did you just raise your eyebrow and laugh)that was a huge amount of money then ooo. I stayed on the job for 2 months and moved onto greener pastures hehehehe, yes ooh, at that time I knew that wasn't what I wanted , I finally got my dream Job (without a school cert oooo) this while I was still awaiting my results , at the very first boutique in the hood...it was really a major ish then sha, and I really love dressing people up, and given my (unwanted ) advice every time sonthisnwas the best job for me then, did that for a whole 5 months........! wOW, now that's major, I never stay in something for a long period of time, Id just get bored. After some lessons, I finally got into a school, which I never thought I would get into, infant it was more like a school I never ever ever ever wanted to go to, but finally in grateful and thankful to the almighty, because everything will surely work for my good.....I can even start telling you the WAHALA in this place, for more information on the kind of school I'm in it's in one of the earliest posts I made. Funny how, as much as I don't really like this school and stuff, I'm the best in my level (na God) *side note* it's really frustrating when people think that because your are good looking and dress well, it's quite strange to be SMART/BRAINY, who the hell propounded such a theory? When people look at me, they see a cool, calm,intelligent,collected, babe, visionary, someone whodoesntbgive a flying fart about what people say about her, leader amidst some other great attributes, oh and also BEAUTIFUL ;) . But before I became This sort of person, I used to be all sorts of awkward, had low self esteem, didn't think much about myself at all, kissed ass a lot of times, just to feel among, chai, not pleasant memories though, but I guess it's all part of a phase To finally get to where I am....and also where I am going. I have 9 months left to be done with university and from my freshman year till date, I've had the privilege of working with Great people, and yeah i get paid too (neither 5,000 nor 7,000) :) have met with great minds and people whom I only used to see on television and read about, ...... I just thank God for where I am thus far, and where he is taking me....... I'm going to be a year older in 3 days, and. I'm extra excited, and also need to make a few changes in my life....I'm definitely going to let my hair loose and have More fun, and be a little bit less serious! Using this opportunity to list some random facts about myself: 1. Favorite song: none, determined by my mood 2. PET: dogs definitely 3. WHITE or BLACK: black 4. Best feature: eyes, lips, smile, shape, brain........ (uh,cheated on this one, couldn't determine which 1 to pick) 5. Attitude: bull, have to get the job done, can't be sleeping when I have stuff to do, a wheel barrow full of madness, Creative, take time out to have a great laugh. 6. PERFECTION: unlimited cheddar, to do the million and one things I want to do. 7. I'm a jack of all trades: don't believe there is a guy job and woman Jon, if my bulb spoils I change it, faucet stops, I get out my overalls, etc (yeah I'm that kind of girl) 8. My life just has to make an impact on a wholeeeeeee lot of people, non negotiable, this just has to happen 9. I love God, the holy spirit .......with a passion 10. I like making my point known 11. Highly ambitious...... 12. Super heiress to world fortune and multi billionaire in the making 13. My imagination is completely out of this world 14. If been planning my wedding since I was 16 x_x 15. Been to the club just once in my life 16. I like looking for small trouble..... 17. At some point I thought I would be a lawyer, then an air hostess, then a presidents wife, a musician, a fashion designer, ......( what can I say, I get bored easily) 18. Procrastinate a lot at times ( don't judge me) 19. Books are the best things to happen to humans......reading a great book, gives orgasms (hehehehehe) 20. Fashion loving Mmmmmuahhh... Toddles............

FLASHBACK 2011

Uhhhmm.............im trying to  find out if this thing that google decided to do to me was revoked, i havent been able to update anything here, and its been such a blistering BITCH  BITCH, I have prayed, cried and pleaded, and this nonsense decided to happen now that i have decided to update frequently...............
 anyways in other news, my beloved, LOVELY, SWEET companion for a little while, was stolen............yep, my I-PAD is gone...remembering this gives me serious heartache. CHAI.....and to think that it was moved @ my friends sister's wedding(the family has gotten too close, for us to be friends). which was on the 3rd of december..............anyhow sha.i think i have some pictures from my phone which i would put up, its not particularly as clear as the ones i took on the i-pad, so bear with me, im doing all this in a bid to keep my promise on more updates...........................

 

 peej and Mee (im not originally this BIG tho' but i decided to let loose on all d chow available)

 mee again(i really didnt get the point of all the markings which was made on our body and face)

  AUDREYYYYYY (THE BRIDE) This was when she came out for the second time with us the Jigida girls (we were 20 in number, so i dont even know where and who to start  suspecting for the Moved I-pad)
I will try to get another picture of the other dresses she had on.

Her final dress was Just BEAUTIIIFFFUUUULLLLLLL gosh, i dont have a frontal view of the dress tho' but that's her and her hubby dancing.

BIKO GBAGHALUNUM...............................................(PLEASE FORGIVE ME)

Choi, I cannot believe that its been over three months since I blogged!!!!!

I don't even know how to start begging for forgiveness ehnn...(on my knees) oooh did I hear stand up? Oohh my people (now smiling) I knew you all would come around to forgiving me....okay moving on,

Not a lot has even happened in my life since then self, (ok, apart from the fact that I had valicera and malaria, which has left me looking like spotty in Super ted) one would think that when I finally get to blog on something I would have plenty gist, but I no go lie, my life has been full of reading, studying, being sick and my out of school work......................this hasn't been easy in any way.

In other news 4 very spectacular things happened in my life,

1. I finally got my I-PAD 2 (Nke abuo) #now dancing alanta# iv been postponing this forever.

2. Got an invite to see the wonderment of Dubai for 5 days and I get to stay in that 8^th wonder of the world hotel #now dies#

3. Got another invite to visit South-Africa for 3 days

4. And another one to the calabar carnival which lasts for the whole of the month of December.

All these blessings for me, and then I get to ask for anything, for my x-mas present (from my darling Uncle)................................................did I add that all these invite were from ndi- umu- nwoke? (The male gender).

This is where I am confused, cos I really dunno where to start receiving from, or even what to ask my uncle for, ideas please...........................................

*right hand on my chest* I promise to update as soon as I can get my lazy derriere outta the chair regularly as I can......

(Now running back to rehearsals.............................................)*see my old post on my life in school*

work.......................one second

I just made Editor-in -cheif!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! will give y'all d gist later...............

this is something culled from my column in the mag. which i write for.

It is imperative to note that Relationship Writers sooner loose the trusted friends that they have because we end up using their stories for the benefit of you the readers, this is not done out of spite or lack of things to do or write, it’s just that “MAN MUST WACK” and the economy as we know it now, isn’t what it used to be, so there is no FINE LOOKING, YOUNG, FRESH AND EXTREMELY RICH GENTLEMAN out there who will be willing to foot my bills, without me “FOOTING HIS BILLS”(if you know what I mean) so my dear friends, I can’t begin to express the depth of the love which i have for you, but I’ve got to use your stories so that i don’t end up living in the streets, so ABEG make una no vex, without this your sister is going to be homeless, but I promise you, once i continue in this pace for the next 4 years, ill reward you all with those fantasies which we Have always had (i cross my heart).

OK, moving on, back to my to the Subject matter, I have a friend of mine who pinged me (for the benefit of those who don’t understand what pinged is, this is the past tense of ping, which is the software which allows people like me keep up with Gossip from all over the globe using the blackberry device: with the way gist gets to places through this device, you would think that CNN was becoming extinct), asking me if she was brain damaged, to have broken up with her boy-friend of 5years. For a minute I’m taken aback by what she asks, because the last time I checked I was a young –steady-climbing –up-the-prongs-of-the-ladder-of-success-in-the-very-interesting-world-of-media. So I was seriously wondering where the part in which I had to analyse her mental state came in. Finally I call her, because this kind of gist can’t be fully analyzed with pinging alone, then I get her to calm down and finally talk to me in English,(because when I called her, im sure her mind mistook me for the shrink, which to me she should have seen, since the first day she started dating that rogue, but I don’t tell her this; then she complicates issues by mixing the little she knows of igbo, conk Yoruba and fluid pidgin. I had a bit of wahala piecing everything together, since I’m an Undiluted Igbo gal from the in the interior of Anambra state) and this was what she had to say:

I was on my desk in the office very happily trying to figure out the turn which my life will take next, no sooner had I gotten to the interesting part where I have my kids (twins actually)  strolling through the park of either Pennsauken in New Jersey or Queens street in London. Than my phone rings, and guess who, MR. ENDOWED      calls, (this is what she calls her Boyfriend) and he asks me if I would like to spend the public holiday which comes with 2 extra days off work which makes it 3 working days plus the weekend with him, I happily agree to this, because work was suddenly becoming seriously monotonous and annoying. (Secretly I was wishing that he would finally pop the question, ahn ahn five years no be child’s play, and as my Oyinbo people will say, my biological clock is seriously ticking fast), I get so excited about the whole thing, that I decide to feign severe menstrual cramps, since work was even kind of slow, I felt no conscience prick me, as I leave the office with my house on my mind, thinking of what to pack for this 5 day impromptu vacation, but first I have to stop at the spa and get the long overdue monstrosity of hairs which have decided to settle on my legs and my bikini area, (at least if this kind of hair was found on my head, it would have been a major advantage to my pocket, and I wouldn’t have to spend such huge amounts on my weaves) and also I have to get those Overtly sexy lingerie which I saw in the Bras and Pants shop, this was a great excuse to finally splurge on something nice and not feel guilty about it.

I got my things ready. And drove straight to his place, wanting to cook something really good, this I do and after a while I decide to use the Jacuzzi soaking in the bath salts and other Mede Mede which I know makes the skin very soft to touch with Kenny Rogers playing in the background, I couldn’t wish for a better way to end my day I think to myself, while sighing with pure contentment.

This is when I hear the key turn in the lock.

By this time I smile to myself, because I know it’s going to be a good night.

To cut the long story short, we had a long blissful and extremely fun time together, and I was still hopeful that he would pop the question, if you see the way I was sweeping and cleaning, you would think that I was on my way to winning an award for the best house keeper, but what I was really doing was to see if the long awaited ring was hidden somewhere In the house, but much to my disappointment, I didn’t find anything.

Finally it’s time for me to leave, and I’m on the couch snuggling on him, still expecting a question, in fact ehn at that point I wanted to smack him head on with a bible and ask him myself, if he didn’t Have a clue.................no sooner had I thought this, that he sits up and says he wants to ask me a question, and also tell me something, at this point I sit up with alacrity and with a smile pasted on my face I thank all the gods that I can think of, then he says with a slightly serious look on his face “I have decided to join the convent, because that was my dead fathers last wish”, I felt as if I had been dealt a terrible blow at the back of my chest, and then I burst out laughing, thinking it was some kind of huge joke. As I look at him more closely, I realize that he is dead serious, all I can do at that point in time, was to give him the dirtiest slap ever, can you imagine the cheek of it? You want to be a reverend father and you have been GBENSHING me for the past 5 years? My God will punish you, he will make sure you don’t see good in life, the kind of curses that run through my mouth for him were endless, I was surprised at the dexterity of my anger, but surprisingly I didn’t shed a single tear, I guess I was too shocked to even think. How I got home that day in my car, was a miracle, because I wasn’t even seeing the road, my mind was in turmoil, my head felt like it was about to burst, normally I would have begged him to rethink his decision and consider me, seeing as I was in my mid-thirties already. To cut the long story short, na so I dey relationship of 5 years and na so I carry hand for head come out, which kind life be that?

The truth be told, I was speechless when she told me this story, I thought this only happened in the Nollywood kind of drama which I watch on Satellite. But this happened to my friend and I know this isn’t no fairy tale, because me self I know the Idiota bobo very well and the thought of him going into the convent left me totally flummoxed, how on earth does a known player who decided to change after meeting my friend,whom he dated for five years,finally decide to go in to a convent seeing as he is already 40 years old? (and please, isn’t there a rule that says we should be chaste and pure and all that stuff before going into marriage with the lord?, please I need to be put correct on this, because I’m not so sure)

Please this is a little side note to my chickas out there, I think we should know serious men when we see them, if we have been going out for 2 years self, and I’m talking, when you are with the person who you feel you can spend the rest of your life with, then please, please, please and please, if the dude isn’t showing signs of trying to be a good and reasonable dude and by this I mean, someone who is showing signs of passing the marriage ability test, then by all means puhhhhhlease pack your bag and baggage’s, take off your shoes, put them under your arms and run for your dear life because that man will only milk you till you are high and dry and left for the vultures of hatred to pick on you till you are a loveless, hatred filled Cruela d’eville  poisoning the hearts of many young girls on the kind of man they choose for themselves, and then the people of the world who don’t know what had gone on before will tag her A FEMINIST.

I had a long talk with one of my male friends about this same issue, and he said “We know if we can marry a babe once we see her, I could be an item with a babe for as long as 3 years or more and still not marry her, the truth is that the said girl could be a very  good girlfriend material”(at this point im wondering to myself, what in heaven’s name is  girlfriend material?, so I can be good for a girlfriend but not wife material? I shake my head sadly at this)

So what I can deduce from this convo. Is that he would suck the lady till she’s as fat as Smiggle in the Lord of the Rings? (Remember the movie?) Mehn this was a real eye opener to me, but my question now is, “if you enjoy cheese so much, why don’t you buy the Damn cow?